DWMA Rants
by Komamura's son
Summary: Roy, Keith, (my OCs) and Death the Kid rant about pretty much anything.
1. Chapter 1: OCxCanon

Death the kid was sitting next to a boy with fox ears and a tail.

"Hello everyone, It has been brought to my attention by Roy about OCs being paired up with myself and some of my friends."

"Yeah, and that's the topic of this talk, honestly I do like a few but please be realistic with those pairngs." Roy crossed his arms and put on a serious face. "Like when I read a fic with an OC and Kid, over a large majority, they make the girl really symmetrical. I mean how is that even possible?! You would have to be pretty exact with your clothing and measurements to do that, and that's taking advantage of his OCD! What happened to falling in love with the inside of a person and not their appearance!?" The fox yelled. Kid sweat dropped.

"How much sugar did you put in your tea?"

"Uh... the whole bag of sugar..."

"Oh Father, go lie down, I'll take over for right now." Roy nodded and ran away in blinding speed.

"As He was saying, I don't appreciate being manipulated like that. Although people can't be perfectly symmetrical, I tollerate the slightly asymmetrical people. So it would be nice to see a normal person paired with me. Or at least don't take advantage of it."

"RIGHT!" The fox faceplanted into the room. Kid stared as he struggled to get up. "The same goes for the others, the OCs for Soul are mostly girls that act cool, Maka gets smart bookworm guys, and so on and so forth." Roy sighed and scratched his long auburn red hair. "And 90 percent of those pairings end up having the canon character falling for the OC. I tollerate a few of those but c'mon, not every love can be shared, some are one-sided."

"So please do better with the OCxCanon character pairings. We are not hating on you for making them, we just want to let you know that it should be more realistic, love wise." Kid smiled. Roy got up and smiled with him.

"You know, I can hear the haters already getting mad."

"Don't worry, as long as they leave eight hateful reviews, I'll be fine." Roy deadpanned.

"...easy for you to say, they won't be hating on you..."

* * *

**I just needed to get my point across without flipping a table. But don't hate me posting this. As it says above, I'm not insulting anyone.**


	2. Chapter 2: Another Rant

"Wow, we're doing another chapter of this?" The fox sighed and knocked at the large doors of Gallows Manor. When Kid opened the door, Roy could hear Patty giggling. Kid's face was in distress.

"What is it Roy?" He asked in a sullen tone.

"Um... we have to do another rant... what the hell is going on in there?" The fox peared over the shinigami's shoulder to see the youngest Thompson sister chasing a ... desktop computer?! The computer monitor had little leg apendages and was desperately trying to get away from her.

"I have no idea what she did to make it do that." Death the kid sighed and shut the door. "Maybe we should do this at your house."

"Fine, but that means Keith has to be included."

* * *

Now sitting on a nice couch, Death the kid sat between Roy and his older brother Keith. He sat in the middle after a long fit about preserving the symmetry. Which was after yelling at both brothers for having asymmetrical scars on their faces.

"This time we'll be ranting on the one subject that no one seems to want to get in to." The fox began.

"The one thing many people fear on this site." Keith added, his southern accent being thick.

"And what most people love to death and blindly read without ever considering canon." Kid began to cringe.

"Yaoi." Roy stated bluntly and kept a straight face.

"Before y'all start goin' to the review box and flamin', know that we're not homophobes." The hick protested.

"Infact our fox is gay." Roy blushed a bit. Keith gave a reassuring pat on his back.

"It's 'kay brother, now back to the rant." Kid took a cup of tea off the coffee table and took a sip.

"We know this is OCxCanon pairing rants, but we need to stress this. Soul and I are not dating! Nor will we ever see each other that way!" Kid pointed at the screen with a menacing face. Keith pulled him back.

"No yelling at the readers, we can't afford a lawsuit." Roy once again stated bluntly. "But as he said, the yaoi pairings between the canon characters were cute at first, but it gets incredibly annoying after the first 800 or so fics that had Black Star, Soul, Kid, and many others making out. We know that this site is to entertain and share your ideas with others... but it really gets old when all you do is have the characters have sex without a plot whatsoever." The fox sighed. Kid stopped struggling.

"Wait, 800... "

"Oh Death no..." Roy plugged his fox ears.

"The symmetry! Is it really the first 800 that people get bored?!" Kid's eyes were sparkling.

"That was a random number I'll pulled out of my ass! I don't know, it depends who's reading!" Keith let go of Kid and adjusted his hat. Kid ran over to Roy and started shaking him back and forth.

"Make it so, damn it!"

"I can't!" After the shinigami stopped, the fox glared at his older brother. "You let him go, just so you can adjust your hat!?"

"Yeah, I love mah hat." Keith's face showed that he was sorry. "Sorry, brother."

"Not to get off track or anything, but if you had to get rid of Roy or your hat, which are you going to let go." Death the kid asked. Keith threw off his hat and hugged his brother.

"Aww, love you too Keith, now stop before fan girls start writing incest yaoi about us." With that said, the hick let go and the three returned to the original topic.

"Now, to sum up what Roy was saying, it is okay to write the yaoi fics between the characters, but please remember how love works. Two people don't just meet one day and have sex with each other in the same hour, not unless it is a one night stand that happens in almost every high school drama." Kid continued, surprisingly not vomiting.

"How do yew know that that's what all school dramas are like?" The shinigami sulked.

"When you live with two teenage girls, they get to watch what they want... I hardly get the remote. And I wanted to watch whatever was on channel 88."

"I'm pretty sure there's nothing good on that channel." Roy added.

"I don't care! If it's on a symmetrical number, than it must be good!" Roy raised his foot in the air and brought it down on Kid's skull.

"Kitsune KICK!" Just like a shinigami chop or a Maka chop, it left a blood fountain and a riduculously large dent in his head. The way the blood flowed was perfectly even. "Wow, his blood is even symmetrical. Well we better wrap this up, Keith, you wanna finish it?"

"Sure thing, to put things nicely, stop making things incredibly quick and very unrealistic. We know you like to see Kid and Soul getting it on, but at least make it a great read so that we forget that we're readin' yaoi."

"And make 8 chapters with exactly 888 words per said chapters!" Kid yelled from the floor.

"Yaoi... if it's not symmetrical, Death the Kid does not approve." Roy finished. Just then, Patty crashed in through the wall with a giant mallet, the same desktop computer scurried in trying to avoid her.

"Now you will learn to never run away from me when I wanna see giraffes!" Patty's face scared all three men in the room. She cornered the monitor and smashed it to bits.

All three men had shocked faces and repeated the same line.

"What. The. Actual. Fuck?"


	3. Chapter 3: OP OCs

"Huh, people actually like our rants?" The fox gasped. He walked through the halls of the academy with Kid and Keith following.

"Well the reviews do say we make valid points and legit resoning." They turned a corner and found the empty Cresent classroom. Keith took a seat on the desk and held a stuffed giraffe.

"Also, ya need ta give this to Patty." Roy took the giraffe and left the room. He found the young Thompson coloring a picture book in the library. The fox didn't move any closer to her and threw the giraffe at her face.

"Take That!" With the deed done, he bolted out of the room.

* * *

"Our topic this time was brought up by the reviewer that gave the giraffe to Patty, however the reviewer will remain anonymous due to not wanting to be discovered by Patty." Kid explained. "Today's topic is... OP OCs. (Over Powered Original Characters)"

The fox facepalmed. "Otherwise known as Gary Stus and Mary Sues. But really guys!? Really!? NOT EVERY PERSON IN THE FUCKING WORLD IS PERFECT! STOP MAKING STUS AND SUES, AND MAKE REAL CHARACTERS!" Roy yelled, losing his cool.

"I wouldn't count you out of it. You two had a moment of incredible power... and I thought you said we can't yell at the viewers or we'll have a lawsuit on our hands?" Kid pointed out.

"First off, I only mentioned the lawsuit thing, just to shut you up. Second, Keith technically isn't an OC." Roy sighed, rubbing his temples.

"How is your brother not an OC?"

"I'm from a game called Left 4 Dead 2." The hick put in. Roy stood next to hima and continued for him.

"But he's technically not in the game, only mentioned in really long stories said by a single playable character in the game. If you've played L4D2, you have probably realized that this is the infamous Keith from Ellis's stories."

"But you said right there in the summary that he's your OC." The shinigami pointed at the summary.

"Well here's the thing. Since he wasn't in the game and only mentioned, that technically means Keith isn't really owned by the creators, his concept is, but we writers can take the stuff we know about him and fill in the rest."

"What do you mean fill in the rest?" Kid assaulted with constant questions. Keith was eating popcorn and watching the off topic explanation.

"Well, people can fill in the details of his personality, appearance, and background since most of it wasn't really explained. But some things stay the same, we know he has auburn red hair, lots of scars, is a mechanic, and has cheated death more times than Black Star failed tests. So this Keith is my version of him, and so he's my brother. Also, if you go in the Left 4 Dead section, he's in the character filters so he's technically still a canon character but OCish." Death the Kid sighed and adjusted the desk Keith was sitting on.

"Sorry, it was off center by an inch, but we need to get back on task. In your story, you two had a moment were you defeated a witch by yourself."

"Yeah, but she may have been smart and cunning, but she cinges when she gets hurt. All we did was get in one cut, she started losing her edge and then we killed her. Now stop directing attention at us so we can rant on other OCs." Roy was ready to pull off his Kitsune Kick again.

"Alright, honestly just like the symmetry I mentioned in chapter 1 of these rants, everyone isn't perfect. It's highly unreal when someone writes a story where their OC comes to the DWMA, gets challenged by Black Star and wins the battle, starts getting close to the canon characters, then surpasses all of them. Please note that writers may not have written their OC that way, but I'm using that as a basis."

"Yup, and somtimes they aren't even a meister or a weapon, sometimes yew guys make witches that OP, or they're secret spies in the DWMA. I jus' can't believe the BS that sometimes happens. I mean really, they must be pretty good at Soul Protect if they don't get caught. Same applies if they're a witch and don't know it." Keith scratched his messy hair.

"You do know you can still wear your hat. That was only a one time thing... and it was only a hypothetical question." The fox revealled to his brother.

"Nah, I'm stayin' true to the readers that I would give up mah hat for yew, brother."

"D'awwww, that's so sweet."

"Ahem, the rant? Anyways, sometimes there are half weapon half meister characters. This is a rather complicated topic, but it became really popular since people saw Maka as one. But you can still have an OC like that and not be perfect. A perfect example of this is Dust and Daniel, Musical Skater's OCs. They are twins and weapon/meisters and they still have regular problems that are real. Like Daniel is babied by his slightly older brother Dust." Kid walked over to Roy and pinched his fox ears.

"Oww, watch it! My ears are delicate!"

"Roy here has a strange appearance, so that counts as his flaw. But didn't you have a sad background?"

"Yeah, but that traumatization shows. I really fucking hate being manipulated, betrayal, I'm lacking in trust with some people, and I have little knowledge." The fox admitted.

"You're admitting you're not smart, but you know enough to rant with credible evidence?"

"I have a trait that most people seem to lack. I. Can. Listen. Also, you don't need a degree in philosophy to get your opinion out there and back it up."

"That's mah brother!" Keith got Roy in a headlock and started spinning him around. The heartwarming moment was interrupted by Stein rolling in on his chair and falling back on bump.

"Well hello there, why are you three in my classroom? Are you volunteering as my test subjects?" The scientist sadisticly grinned... which would have been scary if he wasn't lying on the floor. But depsite that fact, the three hosts ran out of the room in a blinding speed.

"Wait! We need to let our readers know that we're taking suggestions for rants!" Roy heaved as he sprinted.

"You just told them! Now keep running!" The shinigami kept up with the fox.

"Til next rant guys!" Keith waved away as the ran out of the academy and to the outskirts of Death City.

"WAIT! THIS MUST BE SAID!" Kid stopped running. "I just checked the views we got for the rants... IT'S 88! OH THE SWEET SYMMETRY OF IT ALL, HOW LUCKY I AM THAT PEOPLE WOULD VIEW IT AT A SYMMETRICAL NUMBER!?" He was on the verge of crying in sheer joy... then he fell to his knees and started crying in sadness. "But the reviews... it's only 7... if only we could get one more review... but that would mean someone would have to read first and that means we'll get another view and make it 89... oh cruel life! Why must you torture me!?" Death the Kid grieved at the paradox. Roy raised his foot in the air again.

"Kitsune..." Before he could finish. Keith took a blue and white guitar and slammed it into his brother's forehead.

"It's lunch time!" (Free guest appearance to the reader if they can figure out what anime this is off of) Roy flew through the air and spun around. Liz was watching and took a picture of the fox in midair. On the impact, the fox fell over on his back and mumbled.

"Just... end the chapter now... and don't... take me... to Stein..."


	4. Chapter 4: Mary Sues In General

"Alright, now we basicly rant on Mary Sues specifically." Roy sighed and had a bandage on his forehead from the fatal hit from last chapter. The three hosts were currently at a beach. Roy stayed under an umbrella away from the water. Keith was enjoyng the sun and water, many scars and burns laced all over his body. Kid sitting in the sand and trying to form the perfect sand castle. "DEATH DAMN IT GUYS, GET OVER HERE AND HELP WITH THIS RANT!"

"Fine..."

"I will, besides..." Kid glared at the sand castle that looked like a masterpiece. "This asymetrical abomination has sicken me." He kicked his 'abomination' and walked back to the fox.

"Now we only give a piece of our minds on those damn Mary Sues?" Keith asked his younger brother.

"Yes and no, we also have to give advice on how NOT to make one. But we'll start on what makes a Sue a Sue." The fox sighed and took a bite out of sea salt ice cream. "Kid, you explain." The shinigami sighed and began.

"A Mary Sue is a character that is very good looking, has a great personality, sometimes has a traumatizing past but it never shows any recoil, and are usually super overpowered and makes friends with just about everyone." Roy was finishing his ice cream and waited on someone else to continue, but he decided to do it himself.

"The origin of creating one usually comes from self-insertion stories where the writer puts themself in the story and makes themself look better than in reality. I'm a self-insert OC, but I still retain the... shall we say 'bright' personality and such. But anyways, most amateur writers tend to accidentally make Sues in their first few stories, so it's not like people are doing it on purpose."

"Now we'll explain on how to make sure your OC doesn't become a Sue. Ya need flaws, it's what all makes us human... or real." Keith changed his last statement after looking at his younger brother. "Not everyone in the world is perfect, so ya need a few weaknesses, and just because most Sues have a tragic past, doesn't mean you have to avoid making yer OC have one, jus' make sure to have that trauma show."

"Appearances help too, your character doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous or hot, you can make them appear normal and still be an interesting OC. Take these two for example again. Roy has that thin scar lining his right cheek, MAKING HIM AN ASYMMETRICAL GARBAGE! But with that aside, his hair isn't flowing and lucious, it's plain and just auburn red. His eyes are a honey gold, but they glare at you every once in a while. As for Keith... HIS WHOLE FACE IS ASYMMETRICAL! JUST LOOK AT ALL THOSE SCARS, AND HIS MESSY HAIR JUST SPITS IN MY FACE BY BEING A TANGLED MESS!"

'KITSUNE KICK!"

"IT'S LUNCH TIME!" Both brothers unleashed their lethal but not fatal discipline attacks. Keith straddled the guitar in his hands and stared at the bloody Kid.

"Still can't believe no one has guessed what mah attack is off of." Keith started tuning the guitar.

"Just wait, someone will get it eventually." Roy patted his back and sighed. "I think we're done for today, play us out."

"~Join us next time for another rant~!"

"...oh wait... I forgot to say that Mary Sues are awful."

"You just did you bastard..." Kid muttered. Roy grinned evilly.

"What was that three stripes?" As the fox asked. Kid began crying and pounding his fist in the ground.

"I'm trash and scum! I don't deserve to live another day, just throw me in the incinerator along other garbage..."

"... Well that went well. Till next rant, and we're still accepting rant ideas... but I feel like this wasn't our best rant, so sorry 'bout that." Keith waved as Gaara fom Naruto walked on the beach and made the perfect pyramid of sand. Kid began worshipping it and forgetting his lines.


	5. Chapter 5: Love Triangles

Death the Kid was being dragged by force by both red headed brothers.

"I'm sorry Kid, but we have to unless you want to die by being ripped apart." Roy tried reasoning.

"NO! I refuse to be put in a disguise!"

"We have to! Yew don't want to get recognized where we're goin'." Keith left his brother with the OCD on crack to find some concealing clothes.

"How dare you force me to do this!"

"Kitsune KICK!" The heel of Roy's foot came into contact with Kid's face. The shinigami fell back and soon recovered.

"That reminds me. You got a question from a guest reviewer asking if your kick is just like the one Ichigo from Bleach uses."

"Oh yeah, I guess you can say it's the same kick." The older brother came back with a handful of clothes.

"Alright Kid, I made sure to get you some symmetrical clothes for this disguise."

**One dressing sequence later.**

Kid now wore a black t-shirt, some blue jeans, and Keith's old hat with his hair tucked into to it.

"These clothes are not bad, but I prefer my own clothing." Kid adjusted the hat and stood up. "Alright let's go."

* * *

The fox led his two hosts into the basemant of the academy. He opened a hidden door and revealled many people fighting in a dome.

"What the hell is this!?" The shinigami yelled, but his was drowned out by the carnage.

"Now's a good time to explain what we're ranting, Love Triangles. This is the result of it." The fox pointed at the battles.

"Yew got KiMa fans fightin' SoMa fans."

"Ending up in one... big... Team Death Match." Roy smiled.

"Team Death Match?"

"Team Death Match?"

"Team Death Match."

"Team Death Match!"

Team Death Ma-"

"STOP!" Kid yelled at the two for continuing the stupid cliche. "Now explain."

"Well Love Triangles are nice and great for a plot but it has a bad drawback. You have the fans fighting amongst each other saying that their favorite pairing will win. Eventually it all goes into chaos and people get stuck in one giant Team Death Match." Kid deadpanned after hearing that same phrase again. He grabbed a pipe laying on the floor and bashed it over Roy's head, right between his ears.

"Stop saying that!"

"Fine, but you didn't have to hit me!" The fox complained.

"If I didn't, you wouldn't." Keith stood by the side of the arguement and sweat dropped.

"Guys, the rant..."

"Oh right, Love Triangles are horrible, that's basicly pitting your fans against each other in a-"

"Shinigami CHOP!" Kid did a smaller version of his father's chop on the fox. "Damn it, even after I hit you, you won't stop!" Roy stared from the ground and started crying. "Oh Father, please stop crying, you can get out of your system and do it one more time."

" sniff... for real...?"

"Yes for real." The fox whipped his tears away and started playing intense music. "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"Nope." Roy bluntly replied. The intense music went on for for about 5 minutes.

"You're seriously doin th-"

"TEAM DEATH MATCH!" Kid had enough and started choking Roy. His hat falling off and revealling his hair. A girl in the battle looked over.

"It's Death the Kd!" She squealled and soon the whole death match stopped. The KiMa fans and SoMa started climbing up the walls of the dome just to get to him.

"Shit! Run! This is why you needed a disguise!"

* * *

Excalibur stood at his cave. "We interupt this rant so that you may not see the carnage of those fools being ripped apart and groped by the fans. And thus ends this rant for today. Now I shall continue my five hour long story-"

* * *

Black Star stopped the Holy Sword from his story. "We're truly sorry that this happened, BUT YOUR GOD SHALL MAKE THINGS BETTER! EVEN DEATH FEARS ME!"

At the moment, Lord Death had a sudden urge to hit Black Star for no apparent reason. The so called assassin continued to gloat and Tsubaki took over. "Please forgive all that has happen, but please keep suggesting rants and even ask questions for the hosts. Have a wonderful day." With that said, she warmly smiled and attempted to calm down her meister.


	6. Chapter 6: Crossovers

It was night time in the house of the two red headed brothers. All was peaceful, until Roy bolted up from his bed and screamed himself awake.

"What the hell, Dalton!?" Keith asked from across the room in a seperate bed. (They sleep in the same room)

"It was awful Keith... And I thought I said to never call me that. But I dreamed of Kid..." The fox began shivering.

"And that's bad how?" It was barely a week after the hospital after being harmed by the fangirls from last chapter. Death the Kid, being a shinigami, recovered faster. Since Keith was a walking accident, he was already used to numbing drugs. But his brother rarely ever got hurt, so he was experiencing strange dreams and hallucinations from the prescriptions.

"He... He took advantage of me!" It took every once of self restraint in the hick to not laugh at that one sentence. Roy picked up his phone and started calling Kid.

The shinigami was woken up by his ringtone and waited exactly eight seconds before picking it up.

"Hello?"

"STAY OUTTA OF MY DREAMS!" Kid had to distance his phone and ear to prevent hearing loss. After what seemed like endless yelling, Kid put back the phone to his ear.

"Are you done?"

"Yes... but get over here, we have another rant to do." The shinigami sighed and agreed. Hanging up, he walked over to the Komamura and Smith residence. Before he could knock on the door, it opened and Roy litterally pulled him inside. Taking him inside the bedroom were Keith still tried to get some sleep.

"Damn it Keith, wake up." The fox's right arm flashed and became a blade with a gun cylinder at the shoulder. He fired a crimson bullet at the sleeping hick. The impact caused him to fall off the bed.

"What the hell again, Dalton!?" Keith got back up and walked up to his brother.

"Don't call me that, the name I remember having is Roy Komamura."

"No matter what, you're still Dalton Smith in the end." The two sighed in irritation, but in the end hugged and made up.

"Now what's our rant topic today... or should I say tonight since it's three in the morning!" Kid yelled.

"It's about crossovers."

"Wait, but we're from a crossover story." Keith gestured to himself and brother.

"Well, it's more about the problems I've noticed with all crossovers in general." Kid sat down on Roy's bed and crossed his arms.

"And that would be?"

"A large majority of Crossovers are left unfinished. And that's not the only problem. Sometimes they don't get that much views and are left unknown because not everyone dwells in the crossover section, unless it's a really popular mainstream thing. Like Kingdom Hearts or uh... Naruto and such. Those two don't need help getting publicity since they have a large majority of fans."

"What else are bad about crossovers?" Keith asking laying back into bed, but keeping his eyes open so he wouldn't get shot again. "Some are really good."

"Yeah, that's the thing. Ever heard the phrase, 'never judge a book by it's cover'. Well people overlook that line, and think that if it's xover between two completely and opposite genres then it won't be good." Kid cupped his chin in his hand and tilted his head.

"I see, so if people saw a crossover between Soul Eater and... let's say iCarly, people would rarely go into that section?" Roy smiled and pointed at the shinigami.

"Yeah, and I've read both stories in that section, they're both really good and I'm hooked on one of them."

"Hehe, looks like we're not really ranting on crossovers but helpin' put attention in 'em." Keith chuckled and yawned. Soon both Roy and Kid were yawning.

"I've think we've got our point across... it's time for bed... Kid take my bed, I'll crash with Keith." The fox curled up on the bed with his back against Keith's.

"Night y'all."

"Wait, one more thing... why does Keith call you Dalton?" Roy kept his eyes closed and fired another bullet right between the eyes of Kid.

"I'll tell ya in the mornin' now go to bed..." The fox whispered loudly. The shinigami rubbed his head, but appreciated that the bullet hit him dead center and still preserved the symmetry. He rested his body on the bed and yawned one last time.

"Good night, and to the viewers... please send in more rant ideas and questions..." The three fell asleep and stayed silent all night.


	7. Chapter 7: A Lot of topics

"Hmmmm, this pillow smells good..." Roy sniffed and mumbled in his sleep. Truthfully, he sleepwalked and was hugging Kid's head. Said shinigami woke up to the breeze going through his hair and felt Roy's tail hit his thigh every now and then.

"Uh Roy..." The fox blinked twice and looked at what he was smelling. He judo throwed Kid out of the window.

"GET OUT OF MY BED, YOU SHINIGAMI PERV!" The reasoning would have been plausible... if Roy didn't offer his bed last night and chapter. And don't worry, the bedroom is on the first floor... and the window was open. Keith woke up and stared at his brother in a judo throw pose. He decide that he was still dreaming and set his head back on the pillow. Stomping could be heard going on in the house and the bedroom door swung open to reveal Kid in the doorway.

"Ok, now I know this isn't a dream anymore..." Keith mumbled but remained on the bed.

"YOU GAVE YOUR BED TO ME DUMBASS!" Roy stared down Death the Kid.

"Well it's not my fault your hair smells nice!" Keith finally got up and plugged his guitar into a giant set of amps.

"What does that have to do with anything?!" Kid yelled back. Keith tunned a few strings until finally playing a loud chord to stop the morning antics.

"Will yew two stop! It's not even 7 yet and yew two are arguing!"

"SAY EIGHT DAMN IT!" Kid glared at the hick.

"I don't give a rat's ass! Just get breakfast so we can do the rant." Roy and Kid straighten up like they were obediant puppies and payed attention.

"Alright... may I borrow some clean clothes Roy?"

"Sure, I'll make breakfast." Keith smied and layed back on the bed. Kid looked through the closet to see if any clothes were fit for his symmetrical standards. In the end, he settled for a white t-shirt, and a black dress shirt with white angel wings on the back, he payed close attention to the design and saw it was perfect. He also found some nice black skinny jeans to match.

In the kitchen, the fox was making some pancakes, cooking up sausage and bacon, all while setting the small round table and preparing coffee for his brother and tea for himself and Kid. After all the preparations, he called out to them.

"It's done, now let's do our first breakfast rant!" Keith rushed into the kitchen that also served as a dining room, Kid followed slowly.

"Damn Kid, that looks better on you than me." Roy complimented the shinigami.

"Thanks, it's a really nice design, it's so complicated but still symmetrical! It's the very essence of beauty!" The fox sweat dropped and served them.

"Eat up." He made sure to give Kid the most even looking pieces of the bunch and made sure not to put too much sugar in Keith's coffee. Last time he overdid it, Keith wound up in Stein's dissection table.

"We got two topics today that kinda fit in with each other." The fox informed both of them.

"What are they?" Keith asked with his mouth full.

"OOCness and Alternate Universes. But let's start with AU, sure it's nice to see how all the cast deal with life outside the DWMA world and living normal lives, but honestly, that doesn't mean you have to change every aspect of their life."

"What do you mean." Kid asked before cutting his sausage into eight pieces.

"Well for example, I've read some fics where Maka and her father Spirit are actually moving town to town and Spirit abuses Maka." Keith and Kid did the cliche spit take. "I told you that these topics are linked in a way, it's AU and OOC for Spirit. Again, we know you're trying to entertain people, but Spirit isn't the kind of father that abuses his only daughter. Even though she really doesn't like him. Also in that story, it's actually like a few other AUs I've read. Talk about unoriginality."

"I see, let me guess, they stay in one town and that one town is Death City and she becomes friends with Black Star, Tsubaki, Soul, me, Patty, and Liz?" Roy nodded and sipped his tea.

"Thought so. Now if I may take the lead. AUs can be nice to read, but you have to keep their canon personality so they're not OOC." The fox nodded again in agreement.

"Yeah, and now OOC specifically. It's Ok when it's for shits and giggles, but when yer writing somethin' serious like a hurt/comfort, yew need to keep their personalities in check so that we believe that it's still the same people we know an' love." Keith finished his statement and pancakes. "Can I get seconds?"

Roy chuckled lightly and put more pancakes on his plates.

"By the way, why does Keith call you Dalton?" The fox frowned and sighed.

"Read The Souless Infected. Now we have to stress more things, about Gender Benders."

"Aw yes, I think Gender Benders should only be used for comedy and nothing serious." Kid announced.

"Speakin' of sex, what the hell is that Crona fella'." Keith asked after finishing off his seconds.

"I can't remember the term for it, but Crona is neither boy or girl, he's non specific. The reason I'm saying he, is because you wouldn't call a person it. It refers to an object and is rude when used in place for a person. The reason for the non specific gender is so that fans could pair Crona with the other characters and still not be considered Yaoi or Yuri. Now the last topic, Unfinished works." The fox got up and flipped the table abruptly. The table sent the plates and food flying and crashed into the wall, utterly destroying it, "THAT'S MY OPINION OF UNFINISHED WORK!"

"I should go now." Kid got up from his chair.

"Ok, you can keep the clothes by the way."

"Thank you, and please keep suggesting rants."

"Or asking questions, the next rant will be Kid's favorite number."

"CHAPTER EIGHT!"


	8. Chapter 8: Symmetry and Fanservice

"Will you guys hurry up." Roy called out to his two hosts. They were currently changing at the beach once again "There's barely anything to those outfits, I don't understand what's taking so long."

"Maybe it's because we're embarrassed to come out in THESE!" Kid yelled from behind the changing curtain.

"Well the girls and cake are waiting." The fox replied.

"Yeah, 'bout that... is the cake and the girls a lie?" Keith asked from the same changing room.

"The cake is not a lie, if I am wrong, may Lord Death take my soul. Same applies to our guests." Roy replied with full seriousness.

"Alright... we're coming out." Roy grinned hearing it, he took out a camera and whispered to himself.

"This will be the best prank ever..." But upon seeing the two, his head was knocked back by the force of his nosebleed.

"Oh shit, Roy!" Keith ran to his brother's unconscience body. "Damn it, he's out cold and we still need to do the rant."

"We'll just do it without him and ask the girls... if they're real, to help. BUT first, let's change out of these stupid outfits."

* * *

Two girls sat at the table with a large cake sitting at the center. The two girls were fellow writers. Marshall Lee Fan XD and DarkLover62199.

"What's taking them so long? I wanna see Kid already!" DarkLover complained who will be referred to as Maria.

"Maybe fangirls got them... but I'll take 'em out." Runie-sama replied while brandishing a pistol.

"Where did that come from and how did you get it?" Runie stared at her pistol for a good long minute.

"I'm really not sure... I don't even own a gun." She carelessly tossed it behind her. The gun discharging and firing randomly, yet the two paid no attention to it. Keith and Kid walked over with sad looks.

"Hey ladies, we're sorry, but Roy had to be sent to Stein for medical attention and now we need yew two to help with the rant." The hick briefly explained.

"Oh, poor Roy, we'll do our best, especially for the this chapter, Kid!" Maria had hearts for eyes as she stared at her favorite character.

"The topic today is Fanservice, your thoughts on it?" Death the Kid asked the two. Runie cleared her throat.

"I for one am tired of seeing the stupid beach scene used as an excuse to nude up the cast in skimpy swimsuits. There are other ways to show off a character's sexiness without ever needing to show some skin."

"Yeah! Like Kid is sexy by himself, just look at him!" Maria was practically shining with happiness. The shinigami blushed modestly and shrugged it off.

"Looks like someone has a crush." Keith teased him. Kid flushed red and glared back at the hick. The two continued to argue while Runie kept the rant going.

"Fanservice is ok, but only to a point. We don't need beaches to show off, you just have to be original with it and show off your sexiness but still have clothes on." At the moment, Keith's phone vibrated, signaling that he recieved a text.

"Oh it's from Stein, tellin' us about Roy's status."

"How is it?" The shinigami asked, Keith had a questionable look on his face.

"Dunno, it jus' says Jessica Alba's movie career..." Kid sighed.

"Damn, that bad..." Maria was drooling over Kid.

"you should eat some of this cake, it's magic!" She called out, blushing and cut a slice for him. While she was at it, she cut the rest of the cake into eight pieces.

"Oh thank you, what's the magic part of it?"

"Think of a flavor, and it becomes it!" She squealed. The shinigami thought for a moment and took a bite. The look on his face was priceless. Runie pulled out a rocket launcher and aimed directly at the two.

"We got a rant to do, stop falling for each other... and don't ask, because I'm still not sure where this came from." Kid and Maria nodded looked like obidient puppies.

"Now, ways to use fanservice without the cliches... they play any instrument, show them nicely dressed and playing it for others. They play a sport, don't describe how great they look after they played, all hot and sweaty, but actually describe the game and how they look playing it. And the last I could think of, put them in formal wear, any character can look amazing when put in a beautiful dress or handsome suit."

"Thank you Runie-sama. Now we need to do the outro." Just as Kid explained, the fox ran in, crashing into the table while dodging flying scalpels. He continued running, ignoring the fact that he ruined the cake. The current hosts were in a slight awkward silence and didn't know how to respond to that situation.

"... so who wants ice cream?" Keith broke the silence. The guests and Kid agreed and left to an ice cream parlor.

Stein approached the beach with scalpels in hand. "Well, it seems he got away from me... make sure to suggest rants and ask questions for our hosts, and I would like to say that this was a great rant for being chapter eight." His sadistic grin seemed to widen. "And have a great day, see you next rant when I hopefully get to see the insides of that kitsune weapon."


	9. Chapter 9: Songfics

Roy sat on the couch with Keith. The older brother playing the guitar while the younger one was singing to compliment the guitar.

_"Once upon a time and place unknown, lived a boy forgot and left all alone. No one knew what he could do or of this fairytale. Probably since before the day I was born, call it fate but I was drowned with scorn. No one tried to be on my side so I'd turn the other cheek."_ He smiled. The door opened and Kid walked in. But the two continued, without ever noticing the shinigami.

_"I can't help my feeling bad, though I guess it ain't too bad. Calling from the setting sun, took my hand and flew away."_

"Uh... I'm here for the rant..." Kid tried interrupting but they kept playing.

_"Tell me why, tell me why. No one ever tells me why. Why they hate me and despise me when I haven't done a thing. In the rain all I feel, is this never ending chill. But a trillion trillion trillion years had left me freezing cold."_

"Are you guys even gonna listen to me?"

_"Can I die? Can I die? I'm just waiting 'til I die. Never dreamed a single dream so kind in my entire life. No one knew, even cared for this fleeting fairytale. Then it slipped into the seething sun and soon it sailed away." _They finally stopped and noticed Kid leaving.

"Oh hey Kid, when did you get here?" Roy called out. Kid froze in the doorway.

"I've been here since you two were playing... by the way, what song was that?" He asked and returned inside.

"Six Trillion Years and Overnight Story, english version though, the lyrics by JubyPhonic."

"I just asked the name, I didn't need to know all the rest."

"Had to, Juby lets anyone use her lyrics as long as credit is given." All three stood in silence.

"So the rant..."

"Oh yeah. The topic is song fics." Kid sat down on the couch and joined them.

"So is that why you two were playing?"

"Nah, we jus' like playin' when no one's around. But there isn't really a downside to songfics." Keith answered.

"It's not the choice of songs, it's how the writer chooses to potray it." The fox sighed and stared at the ceiling.

"I'm not following..."

"Well, there's a variety of ways you can make a songfic. The first is writing out the lyrics while writing out the story. But when you do that, you just have the plot away from the song and only the reader is aware of it. Another is having characters perform the song, like what we were doing, I personally like that one better because everyone will be aware of the song, readers and characters. Then there was that one fic I read..." He began to blush and blood started dripping down his nose.

"... Judging from the amount of blood gushing from your nose, I'll take a guess that is in the M section." Kid deduced.

"Yup! And it was really steamy, but what the writer did was have the dialogue be completely the song, not one word wasn't part of the song... except for the moans..." Roy whispered the last statement.

"What?"

"NOTHING!"

"Movin' on, well that's basically all we have... well this is embarrassing..." Keith shrugged and thought what else could be said. "I'm curious brother, what was the pairing in the songfic you read?" The fox stiffened up at the question.

"It was Nellis!"

"Then who was the other guy?" Kid sighed and started to explain to the hick.

"That's the pairing name, I'm actually quite familiar with it, it's in the Left 4 Dead section between Nick and Ellis."

"Wait, mah buddy Ellis?!" Roy nodded sheepishly. "... I'm beginin' to question what you've been readin'... If I check yer favorites, will I find any on me?"

"I'll be blunt... yes." Awkward silence filled the room. "Wait, how did you know that Kid?"

"Again, I live with two teenage girls."

"Wanna keep form a band?"

"No, we don't have time, we have to end the rant now." Kid sighed but quickly smiled.

"Well, see ya guys next rant, keep on suggesting some topics or ask questions-" Patty then walked into the house and skipped to the three holding a plate full of waffles.

"Guess who made waffles~?!" She held the plate to them.

"We're not eating them!" Roy yelled. Patty began screaming in a fit of rage and started wrecking the apartment. She even tipped over the couch while the hosts were still sitting on it. "Alright, we'll eat them!" Kid gave in. Patty smiled and like nothing happened.


	10. Chapter 10: Unfinished Works Again?

Roy was whistling a tune while he started baking a pie. Keith sat at their new table, since the last one was broken due to a table flip. The fox was in a cheery mood and didn't seem like anything could ruin his day. The door bell rang and the hick got up to answer it. Kid stood in the doorway and was allowed in.

"So did hell freeze over, Roy is way too happy considering that we're doing a rant on an old topic." The fox paid no attention to him.

"Oh yeah, he felt like the table flip wasn't enough of a rant on unfinished works, so we have ta do it with more facts." Keith scratched his messy hair.

"I baked you guys a pie!" Roy carried the finished pie to his fellow hosts.

"Oh boy what flavor?" Keith asked despite watching him bake it the whole day.

"If you say pie flavor, and it explodes and has another pie in it, I will punch you in th-" The fox stuffed a slice into Kid's mouth all with a cheery smile.

"It's cherry." The fox replied while the shinigami painfully swallowed.

"Why does everyone like giving me food?" He asked after a few breaths.

"The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach." The fox replied.

"Yer so happy, I think I now have diabetes..." Keith added. "But we need to start this short rant."

"Well unfinished works makes me really angry and sad, but not today. It's usually a big middle finger to us readers when a good story just abruptly ends and never gets updated." Roy ellaborated.

"But in a way, it's both the readers and the writer's fault. Some writers don't get the credit they deserve to keep going, mostly because we readers don't give them the praise they were looking for. So they feel like people didn't like their work. The writer gets discouraged, and usually slows their updates eventually breaking into a full stop."

"But there are a few people that keep updatin' despite never gettin' a review. And those writers we like, they keep goin' because they love their work and just want to get it out there, they don't care if people flame or like it, as long as they brought their ideas out for all to see." Kid stared in awe at Keith.

"Never in my life did I think you would say something that deep, you just earned my respect." Then Keith started devouring the pie with little table manners. "... And now I take back everything I just I said."

"So the moral of this rant is, if you write, don't let others stop you from writing, wether it's because you don't get the reviews or amount of readers you want, or because one troll flames. Just keep doing what you love and let the your imagination fly onto the words you write." Roy concluded.

"We'll see you next rant, keep suggesting and stuff."

"And everyone gets pie!" Roy called as he brought out more pies.

"You must be really happy if you made all those pies." Kid sighed.

"Yup!"


	11. Chapter 11: Suits

Our casual hosts were very non-suspiciously dragging the fox. "I don't want to wear a suit!" Her complained as they dragged him by a leash and collar that Keith bought for this very reason.

"You have to, it's the only way you'll fit in on today's topic!" Kid argued. The other two hosts were wearing nice clothing, Kid wearing the same winged black shirt from an earlier chapter with his skull brooch. Keith wore a burgundy dress shirt, black silk vest and tie with pants and shoes to match.

"I don't like dressin' fancy either, last time I wore this was mah birthday in Vegas when..." His face turned a deep red. Kid stopped dragging Roy and looked at Keith with a questionable look.

"Why did you stop? Usually we tell you stop first."

"I don't want ta talk about what about that night... especially not to a bunch of underage kids." The hick explained.

"Is it because you don't want to change this rant's rating to M?" KId continued to pry. Roy had to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Kid, read Birthday Boy by Pyrosomniac. That will explain it. And yes, it's M rated and-" Keith took an apple and stuffed it into Roy's mouth.

"Let's get you that suit! And you're banned from the reading any story that includes me in it!" The hick ran to get this funny bit over with.

* * *

"I don't understand why you have to take my measurements!" Roy had to be completely still while Mathew Hatter measured him.

"And why do I have to do it." Mathew complained.

"It's because we know Runie-sama and she is always willing to let us use her OCs." Kid answered.

"Plus, we want yew to be comfortable in that suit, brother. And we don't want to waste a bunch of cash ripping a hole in the pants for your tail. A lot could go wrong that way." Keith sighed and rolled up his sleeves to his elbows.

"So what's today's rant topic, for once, I don't know it." The fox asked, finding it very hard not to scratch an itchy spot.

"Today's topic is the formal dance. Another cliche in most OC stories."

"We're not gonna bash on it are we, just advice on it?" The fox asked.

"Yes, I can tell because you don't want to insult my creator when she did a chapter like that." Mathew added. He was spot on for the reason.

"One thing that's a problem is, very very complicated designs for their formal wear. You don't have to make it incredibly decsriptive, becuase you're basically putting way too much frosting on a cake that is already beautiful." Kid explained.

"Yes, that's a problem with most of the requests for clothing I get, they ask for too much. I just turn down their offer right off the bat." Mathew added.

"Incase most of you guys haven't gotten it yet, Mathis over here is really great at making clothing." Roy added, still wishing he could move.

"Another thing, what the guys wear. It should always be just a regular suit, nothin' flashy or so. The colors should never be really outrageous, like orange or yellow, jus' somthin' simple like black, blue, gray, or even purple." Keith contributed to the rant.

"I'm surprised you knew something about dressing fancy. But the reason behind that is usually with the date or the female counter part. The woman is always dressed in bright color clothing, and even if it's black, her accesories are usually what pop on her dress. The man is the background or border to compliment the woman. INcase you haven't noticed, in most wedding pictures, the bride is always a step infront of the groom. Because they're showing off her beauty." Mathew concluded.

"Tell the truth Kid, Mathis was the real reason we came here." Roy stated after he was done getting his measurements taken.

"He's gonna say yes, and because I look better than you." Mathew grinned and walked away to prepare the suit.

"... ok, I will admit, he looks amazing." Roy blushed.

"We also took yew here for payback on that fanservice chapter." Keith shivered.

"This is worse, at least you guys got some cake." The fox rubbed the itch on his nose.

"YOU MADE US WEAR A BOWTIE, AND TUXUEDO SPEEDOS!" The shinigami yelled, finally losing it.

"You guys looked hot in it, that's my argument!" Roy retorted.

"Keith is your brother, that's sick!"

"I wasn't looking at him!" Awkward silence filled the room at the realization.

"I got the suit ready." Mathew thankfully came in and stopped any more awkward moments.

"I'll just try it on already." The fox took the clothing and headed to a changing room. When he came out, he was wearing a gray jacket over a red dress shirt and a gray tie. Gray pants to match. "I like it, but hand me some scissors." Mathew obliged and toss them at Roy. The fox shredded up his tie. "Better."

"Yew look great brother." Keith gave his usual smile. Kid just stood there, staring into blank space.

"I think you killed him. Please dispose of his body properly and get it out of my shop. And to the readers, keep suggesting to these buffoons." Mathew did the outro for the hosts.

"Ok." Roy pulled on Kid's collar and dragged him out. "Payback."


End file.
